Should Parents Monitor Their Kids’ Digital Lives?

Many parents keep tabs on their kids’ online activity by following them on Snapchat or Instagram or by friending them on Facebook. But a recent survey found that some moms and dads are going even further to ­monitor their kids’ digital lives. 

According to the Pew Research Center, more than 60 percent of parents of 13- to 17-year-olds have checked their kids’ web history. Nearly half have looked through their teens’ call logs or texts. And about a third know the password to at least one of their kids’ social media accounts.

Many parents say they need to watch what their kids are doing online so they can keep their ­children safe and out of trouble. Plus, if teens know that their parents are watching, they’ll be less likely to post mean comments or engage in other bad behavior. 

But many other people disagree with the practice. They say parents who read their kids’ texts or search their call logs without permission are invading their privacy. Opponents say that if kids feel that their parents don’t trust them, they may be ­less ­comfortable going to them with their problems. 

Should parents monitor their kids’ digital lives? Two experts weigh in.

Technology can open up new worlds to young people and provide them with rich learning experiences. But it can also expose them to significant risks. The No. 1 responsibility of parents is to protect their kids—and that includes talking to them about good digital habits and helping them develop the skills they need to be responsible and cyber-savvy.  

Young people today have grown up with cutting-edge technology and constant connectivity. To them, it seems normal to share intimate details of their lives online. That’s why it’s essential for families to have open, ongoing conversations about potential pitfalls and appropriate online etiquette. 

One way to help guide young people’s use of technology is with a free digital tool called The Smart Talk. This interactive website allows parents and kids to work together to create a set of personalized rules for privacy settings, screen time, apps and downloads, texting, phone calls, and social media use so everyone is on the same page. That way, parents won’t have to resort to monitoring their kids’ digital activity in secret.

Additionally, parents should set limits for when and how long kids can use their phones or tablets. Parents can also install a variety of safety and privacy settings on their teens’ devices, such as location tracking, parental control for internet content, and mobile-use-monitoring apps. These actions can help keep kids safe in the digital world. 

Parents should also review their own digital habits and refrain from texting while driving or using their phones at the dinner table or during family time. Modeling good behavior can go a long way toward helping their kids.

—Laura M. Bay
President, National PTA

It’s understandable that parents worry about their kids. But the most destructive thing parents can do is violate the bond of trust they share with them. Teens want to feel comfortable approaching their parents with their problems. That can happen only if concerns about web activity are resolved through honest discussion, not spying.  

It’s ironic—and unfortunate—that many parents who decide to spy on their kids online do so out of fear that their sons and daughters don’t trust them. They worry that if something does go wrong, their children may not feel comfortable coming to them. And so to protect their kids, parents eavesdrop. 

They can end up, however, achieving the opposite: They push their children further away and drive dangerous activities—if there are any—further into the shadows.  

Parents may insist on having a child’s email password, for instance. But that may, in many cases, lead to the creation of a secret email account that adults will never see. If parents insist on following their kids on Instagram or Snapchat, kids may come up with a new profile that their parents are unaware of. 

Even if it were possible to monitor everything kids do online, it would ultimately make them less safe. If teens are used to relying on their parents to help them identify dangers or tell right from wrong, they may not learn these essential life skills on their own. 

Young people, who have grown up online, are actually better equipped in most cases than their parents to avoid the pitfalls of technology and recognize potential threats. Spying on teens not only invades their privacy, but also denies them the respect and dignity to which all people are entitled. 

—Jeffrey Nadel
Former president, National Youth Rights Association